fannylemon

OH HEY JUST SO YOU KNOW THIS IS A THING JUST SAYING WHATEVER NOT...

Fri, 25 May 2012 13:41:00 -0400

OH HEY JUST SO YOU KNOW THIS IS A THING JUST SAYING WHATEVER NOT BEING WEIRD MAUDE APATOW FOLLOWS HER SO IT’S FINE WAIT IS IT ALSO WEIRD THAT I FOLLOW MAUDE APATOW? I DON’T KNOW I’M SORRY (PRE)TEEN DREAMS ARE MY EVERYTHING

literally no one is surprised that this is what my desktop looks...

Fri, 25 May 2012 10:48:51 -0400

literally no one is surprised that this is what my desktop looks like.

It is seriously unsafe and unwise and unfair for these kooks to...

Thu, 24 May 2012 21:14:00 -0400

It is seriously unsafe and unwise and unfair for these kooks to suggest that my Bachelor’s degree from their program is going to be any more useful toward achieving my dream of being Carly Simon than just buying another floppy hat and making out with somebody’s boyfriend at an outdoor concert will be and is and has been.

Which is to say nothing of the fact that, hah, please, let’s not pretend my seminars on transgender politics in South Asia or the history and construction of the term homosexual are ever going to help me do anything other than get mad at people on the Internet. Jobs. Hah.

purple nails and combat boots because I’m a real...

Thu, 24 May 2012 17:56:56 -0400

purple nails and combat boots because I’m a real riddle.

not pictured: dress of an entirely inappropriate length for work, and which might actually be a shirt. whatever whatever whatever, dressing like a baby prostitute as a feminist act/ because you can’t do laundry/refusing to learn to do laundry properly as a feminist act/ braids and a leopard print thong as a feminist act/ napping on the job as a feminist act

Itty Bitty Kitties/Tweensploitation/Coffee/Embarrassment/Unfunny/Sex

Thu, 24 May 2012 10:45:33 -0400

I had a meeting with my advisor about the senior thesis I’ll be doing for Women, Gender, and...

Just to document, as I lay here watching Dawson's Creek on Netflix in my underwear while struggling to peel an orange, that PJ once called me an intellectual.

Wed, 23 May 2012 22:30:00 -0400

Tess: LIKE WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE UGH UGH UGH DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO WITH...

THIS IS A GAMECHANGER. AND WHEN I SAY GAMECHANGER WHAT I MEAN...

Wed, 23 May 2012 22:08:00 -0400

THIS IS A GAMECHANGER. AND WHEN I SAY GAMECHANGER WHAT I MEAN IS, LULZ, REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO GO OUTSIDE, LIKE, SOMETIMES, OCCASIONALLY, ONCE IN AWHILE? NOPE, ME NEITHER, BUT IT’S FINE BECAUSE CAPESIDE LOOKS TOTALLY BEAUTIFUL.

My personal policy regarding the plague on society that is the unsolicited "dick pic" is to respond immediately with individual close-up shots of every bruise on my legs and the message, "YOU INTO THAT, BIG BOY?"

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:01:00 -0400

It’s a unanimous crowd pleaser.

Let’s talk about the all the spiffiness these Parenthood...

Mon, 21 May 2012 23:21:00 -0400

Let’s talk about the all the spiffiness these Parenthood cousins are dishing out right here? Like, can we just?

LIKE, WHY DON’T YOU WATCH THIS SHOW? I know the family drama has gone out of style, certainly the family drama airing on NBC has, if nothing else, and it’s sort of hokey to sit down and watch a show about “middle class” (“TV middle class”) white Californians living their little lives, but, no, you guys, no. This show’s a secret little gem. I mean, it has all of this menswear swag and Lauren Graham and Nate Fisher as a nice good sweet wholesome hot dad and feelings and family and the cutest little boy in the world and Mae Whitman being the most perfect fake crier to ever hit TV.

cucumber and mustard: important staples of my carefully balanced...

Mon, 21 May 2012 22:28:00 -0400

cucumber and mustard: important staples of my carefully balanced diet.

see also: peanut butter, watermelon, Fruit Loops, avocado, grilled cheese, toaster waffles, burritos, jello, Twizzlers, ice cubes, gum.

Even as I lazily reread Girls Like Us by Sheila Weller (which is...

Sun, 20 May 2012 19:11:00 -0400

Even as I lazily reread Girls Like Us by Sheila Weller (which is serving, really, as a born-again experience, rekindling my near-religious devotion Carly Simon) and am reminded that James Taylor is an unquestionable member of the bad boyfriend (husband) hall of fame, I’m helpless against a little “Fire and Rain”, against “Something In The Way She Moves,” long my intended wedding song back when I was a little girl who wanted a wedding and wanted one here, or any of the James Taylor discography, really. You can’t just shake an emotional hold that’s been nourished by summer after summer of goofy, boozy singalongs and outdoor concerts in the hills of Massachusetts where ol’ baby James has reigned as the voice of all that’s good and true for nearly half a century. I make fun of it, the way people here, my parents and their friends, the adults who have made my world, cling to some image of lost wholesomeness that wasn’t actually so wholesome, of a real America that isn’t real or never was, of sunshine and beer and little blonde children playing in the grass, of long car rides with the windows down through very roads these lyrics depict, Red Sox games and barbecues and falling asleep on blankets in somebody’s backyard, these memories, recreated endlessly, never the same, come tinged, always, with some sadness, nostalgia and tragedy, and I want to scoff and roll my eyes, but sometimes you give in; sometimes you have to give in to it.

“You need to class it up if you want to stay on this...

Sun, 20 May 2012 18:45:00 -0400

“You need to class it up if you want to stay on this boat.”
“Oh, jesus, you’re not the fucking Kennedys.”
“You can’t prove that!”

No, but, seriously when Hader steps up to dance with her and she...

Sun, 20 May 2012 12:39:00 -0400

No, but, seriously when Hader steps up to dance with her and she tucks her face into his neck and starts crying after having mostly held it together til that point…. NO STOP I CAN’T FEELINGS. AND THEN THEY ALL SANG MY FAVORITE STONES SONG AND AHHH DANCING WITH LORNE TEARS TEARS TEARS AND WHEN ANDY PICKS HER UP AGH OMG LOOK AT SUDEIKIS’S SAD SAD FACE I CAN’T I CAN’T AW WILD AMY AW NO FEELINGS CUTE JON HAMM HUG LAST EPISODE EVER OMG KRISTENNNNN.

Okay, I’m done. It was a really sweet ending to a good (er, hit or miss) episode and a great run and Kristen has great things ahead of her and I’m totally okay with it… or so I will repeat to myself for the next few days until I almost mean it.

The 20 Biggest Consequences of Legalizing Gay Marriage in Massachusetts.

Sat, 19 May 2012 19:31:00 -0400

The 20 Biggest Consequences of Legalizing Gay Marriage in Massachusetts.: As inclined as I am to be...

Got the same speech when I left 30 Rock, My mom’s like,...

Sat, 19 May 2012 14:33:00 -0400

Got the same speech when I left 30 Rock,

My mom’s like, “why you wanna leave a good job?”

My dad said, “do your thing, boy, don’t stop.”

In other places, other homes, other families, it might be...

Sat, 19 May 2012 14:15:22 -0400

In other places, other homes, other families, it might be strange and confusing to walk into the bathroom and find that a giant blow-up pickle is seated on the toilet. Here, though, I’m basically just glad it doesn’t play music or spray water.

Additionally, I just had to spend several minutes trying to remember how to spell toilet….toliet…toleit, tolliet, toillet… I was in the 99th percentile for my SATs… toilet…

Dan Harmon Poops: HEY, DID I MISS ANYTHING?

Sat, 19 May 2012 11:51:47 -0400

Dan Harmon Poops: HEY, DID I MISS ANYTHING? : danharmon: Kids: A few hours ago, I landed in Los...

Big ups to Revlon and to the prettier and more cosmetically...

Fri, 18 May 2012 17:05:00 -0400

Big ups to Revlon and to the prettier and more cosmetically advanced Internet ladies who suggested that I track down this lipstick, Strawberry Suede, because it’s perfect and excellent and I love it possibly even more than the other new matte lipstick I got this week (Nyx’s Shocking Pink.) Zero ups, not even small ones, to the senior girl who, when I was fifteen, chastised me for putting on a coral-y lipstick in the bathroom one morning school because, “your skin is way too pale to pull off yellow tones.” Regardless of how right she may have been (probably she was very right, I don’t know how anything about skin tones or undertones or makeup or anything, really) I am firmly in the Do Not Tell Anyone What To Put On Their Face Or Body Unless They Specifically Ask For Your Advice Because It Is Their Damn Body And Face With Which They Should Do Whatever The Want And If You’re A Pretty Eighteen Year Old And The Person In Question Is A Nervous Awkward High School Sophomore Than Especially Shut Up club. I spent a long time carefully avoiding anything that might be yellow-based, without being entirely sure a) what made something yellow based or b) why I was so invested in one offhand comment from one girl I haven’t spoken to in years, but, hey, this lipstick is definitely orange-y, coral-y, and I love it, and, anyway, that girl has a baby now and I’m posting pictures of myself on the Internet for personal validation so, like, I think we know who won.

In which Rihanna is everything.

Fri, 18 May 2012 16:21:00 -0400

In which Rihanna is everything.

1. yes yes yes a million times yes. 2. AGREED. in part I want...

Fri, 18 May 2012 16:01:00 -0400

1. yes yes yes a million times yes.

2. AGREED. in part I want his career, in part I just want to be in the same room as Liz Gillies, who is two years younger than me but also everything I want to be in life/ 2 cool 4 school/my teenage dream? It’s a thing.